The Endless Cycle of Work

Ever just put your mind to something and just can't seem to stop? Then you finish that thing and immediately find something else to be stuck on. Yeah, that's been me the past couple of weeks. I've always been one to work hard, and while I think that's a great trait, sometimes it goes too far.

Lately, I’ve been getting so involved in what I do that it feels like I’m overworking myself, and that’s exactly what I want to talk about today. The past two weeks have been intense, "work wise". I can't really blame anyone else for it. I put myself in this situation, but it’s been a real struggle to keep up.

The Unstoppable Feeling (That Wasn't Real)

I’ve done nothing but work, day and night. At first, it wasn’t an issue. I felt unstoppable, like I could go on forever. Nothing was going to get in my way. But I was wrong... extremely wrong.

I kept taking commission after commission until I overwhelmed myself. It got to the point where I had to stop and think, “Where am I headed if I keep going like this?” The constant grind was killing me, both physically and mentally.

The Physical and Mental Toll

I don’t know why I didn’t take breaks, but now I realize I have to. Working 7 days a week, sitting at my computer for 16-20 hours a day (and I wish I were exaggerating) is not good for me at all. I can feel my body weakening, my bones aching, and my eyes becoming soulless. Even though I maintain my hygiene, it still feels like I’m declining in every aspect of my life.

At some point, I couldn’t continue. I’ve woken up in bed, not remembering how I got there, or worse, passed out at my desk. All this just to finish what I was working on. It’s unhealthy and unsustainable.

Time to Put Myself First

That stops today. I’ve lost so much time with my friends, my family, and the things I actually enjoy because I was trying to please others by constantly working. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working for most of the people I do commissions for, but I’m not going to sacrifice myself for them anymore.

"In the end, if I burn out or die, they’ll just replace me with someone else. Business is business."

That’s the truth, and while I understand it, I also know that my mind and body come first. From now on, I’m going to take weekends or at least two days of the week off. I need to eat better, exercise more, and focus on my health because if I don’t, there will be no Tydium left to do anything at all.

The Importance of Saying "No"

The point I want to make here is this: Don’t slave yourself for other people. It’s just not worth it. Spending 1,000+ hours on a project for a Minecraft server that isn’t even providing me with a full salary? That’s not something I’m willing to do anymore.

I’ll take breaks on my terms. If someone wants me to work outside of my scheduled time, they can pay me for it. Either that, or provide an actual yearly salary like a normal job would. That seems like a fair compromise to me.

Overcoming the Fear of Letting Others Down

I’ll admit, sometimes I overwork myself because I’m afraid of letting people down. I worry that if I decide to take a break, I’ll lose credibility or status. But after everything I’ve been feeling, I’m not going to let that fear control me anymore.

From here on out, I’m putting myself first.